A Good Gift Can Be Something to Look Forward To
Some gifts need a shelf. Others need a date.
A ticket, a lesson, a planned afternoon: these arrive as possibilities. The wrapping may be unimpressive. An envelope is not going to win the room. But the gift is still waiting to happen.
Research by Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner gives that kind of present an interesting role. Their work on real-life gift exchanges found that experiential gifts produced larger improvements in recipients' reported relationship strength than material gifts. The benefit did not require the giver to take part in the experience. [1]
That last detail is worth sitting with. A thoughtful gift does not always need to include you.
Perhaps someone would love an afternoon doing a thing you find baffling. You do not have to develop an enthusiasm for pottery, birding or experimental theater to recognize theirs. An experience can say you paid attention without requiring matching interests.
The researchers linked the relationship benefit to the emotions people experienced while using the gift, rather than simply receiving it. [1] That shifts attention away from the big reveal. The useful question becomes what the gift will be like to live with once the wrapping is gone.
And this is where the beautiful idea needs a practical friend.
A fixed-date event can mean arranging transportation, changing a work shift or finding someone to care for a family member. A class can come with equipment costs. A wonderful destination can be inaccessible. Those details belong inside the gift decision, not on a list the recipient discovers afterward.
The study does not mean experiences always win. It does not mean a needed household item is an inferior expression of love. In the University of Toronto's account of the work, Chan also discusses emotionally meaningful material gifts, including a framed photograph. [2] An object can carry a relationship, too.
My practical reading is to choose the person before choosing the category. What have they actually said they enjoy? What have they wanted to try? Would they prefer company, independence or a choice of dates?
If you do not know, asking is allowed. Surprise is one ingredient in giving, not an entrance requirement. A small plan that fits can be more considerate than an impressive one that creates homework.
Nor must the possibility be expensive. You could offer a picnic you prepare or an afternoon exploring a free exhibition together. Those are suggestions, not outcomes the study guarantees, and the other person gets a say in the plan.
The goal is not to present someone with the most exciting version of your taste. It is to give them a little more room for their own.
Sources & further reading
1. Chan & Mogilner, “Experiential Gifts Foster Stronger Social Relationships Than Material Gifts”. Author-hosted paper, advance publication December 11, 2016; final journal issue April 2017, 43(6), 913–931. DOI 10.1093/jcr/ucw067.
2. University of Toronto, “The science of gift giving”. December 16, 2016. Institution’s interview and explanation; accessed October 26, 2026.
https://www.utoronto.ca/news/science-gift-giving-u-t-research-best-kind-present-receive
